The kid

Yesterday evening while returning back to IITB, I found that even after like 5 bus stops(or more) had passed, the seat besides me was vacant. I looked around and the bus was pretty much filled. Not that, I wanted someone seated besides me but still the thought was stacked in somewhere in my mental stack as to why wouldn’t someone consider sitting besides me(also I was seated halfway from the start.) while I continued reading(a book called – “Philosophy of Mathematics”). “Maybe it’s my beard or my mustache”, I said to myself.

After a while(yeah obviously, not sitting besides me is a worse option than standing) an old (probably Maharashtrian) lady sat besides me with a very small kid (wondering how small? – yeah he still had 270 bones and “cried” to convey what he wanted) The kid was very energetic and keenly observing everything around, trying to grab things, put them in his mouth, be extremely unstable, fussy, unsatisfied, searching, learning and most importantly watching. Learning entirely through what they see. Just purely interested in watching and learning. The amazement on seeing something new and eyes wide open or perfectly shut. No double standards. Pure.

After sometime, the baby started crying and moving randomly as if it was searching for freedom, wanting something. The old lady didn’t know. Some woman standing behind tried to make faces and made the baby smile for exactly 12 seconds. After that, it started crying again. Extremely irritated by something, not known. Then after sometime it faced me for the first time. I looked at him and smiled. He at once smiled back. He stopped crying at once and it lasted more than 12 seconds! “Maybe it’s my beard or my mustache”, I said to myself. Well, then I asked myself, where was I? I had 3 women, an old lady carrying the kid and the kid itself all staring at me at the same time, all waiting for me to do something, something magical which will keep the kid smiling(or at least not cry). I clapped and waved my hand to the kid and he continued smiling. This kid was a keen observer and unlike most, his view didn’t change, I was clapping and making sound with my fingers, but after some time, he stopped following my weird sound-making attempts. He concentrated way too much on things. As I was sitting on the “window-seat” the kid started looking at the fast moving vehicles outside the window. Ohh, he was very amazed! His eyes wide open and unmoving. Then he started making attempts to catch the cars by actually jumping out on me and trying to grab the cars as they pass by! This act was magical. He did for a long time and finally paid attention to me, and I at once smiled. He noticed, I was reading something and then he looked at me, then looked at the book and then again looked at me; as if he was trying to ask me what I was reading. Again, that stare. After that, he got a bit naughty and started pulling my kurta. The old lady by then had some smile on her face (after the initial trouble) and she was trying her best to keep the kid away from pulling my kurta!

Changes

I have changed. Everyone changes, with surroundings, with experience, with knowledge, with learning. Change is the art of life. Change is pretty much what we talk about every now and then. Remember the last joke you laughed on and fell down from your bed, remember the last “news” – all these are nothing but changes that are more intensified than others and hence worth discussing about. These often bring out an emotion in you, you laugh, you cry, you whistle, things keep changing, they just keep changing and changing.

But the other type of change I am talking about is the one which follows the concept of microscopic reversibility. These changes are a result of linear combination of all the smaller changes. These small changes are reversible and infinitesimally small as in the case of reversible isothermal expansion resulting in maximum work. These changes occur really slowly, without you knowing that you are the part of this reaction. Obviously, this is a very long process and at the end of say a month or 2 years or 5 years or more, whenever you start visualising that change, you search for older things. It is difficult to move but time does it for us.

It is like you are on an escalator in a mall. You are talking to a friend. After sometime you are down or up! You keep talking and then you realise you reach where you had to. Now consider the case when the escalator stops in the midway due to some electricity failure. At this point you realise you will have to walk your way up and you might momentarily stop talking. Bad you have to walk up! At this point, nature tried to tell you what had changed before the desired or “planned” process ended or maybe this was the “planned” process, whatever the case. You realise you were in the reaction mixture unconsciously. You never stop to make a decision like getting on an escalator which is obvious and your mind never asks you to. Its only after some considerable changes, that you figure out and try to act on it or regret your earlier decisions. There are infinite variables around you and me changing at infinitesimally small rates under certain laws and constraints set by time.

We are always in this big reaction mixture and a part of many reactions at the same time. You can apply all the laws and chemistry you have ever learned and complicate the model. Basically like chemistry is so vast with n possibilities, life too is, infact much more as life contains chemistry :)

Similarly, I see myself as this new zubin. I have changed by this model. I can neither laugh at it, nor cry. I can neither smile at it, nor abstain from acting on it. But still all I can do is stand and stare!

PS: My chemistry might not make sense to better chemists as well as to people without chemistry background, doesn’t matter! You will know what I mean :)

Notes to myself..

  1. All the good ones are taken, cling to whatever you have!
  2. Ignorance is bliss – try not to find out, not to know and lie down lazy ;)
  3. Beware of spontaneous human combustion
  4. Stop incentivizing yourself for all the small things you accomplish
  5. Follow your month-long time table for at least a day
  6. Watching 8 Seinfeld episodes a day will not get you anywhere, Also in the end you will have no episodes left! Looks like it’s a road to perdition :( Think and stop right now..
  7. You are a MSc chemie + 7 pointer and not Mark Shuttleworth
  8. Mouli is still to treat you.
  9. Get the tubelight fixed and hence create a mentally stimulating environment
  10. Ask yourself, is it Tuesday yet? If no, find when is it coming? After Monday? If yes, do what you were supposed to do, do what everyone does on Tuesdays!
  11. Dude, above all you should stop blogging and prepare for placements, else you will blog your entire life…Stop this here at once and get back to important things.

X and 0

X = yes
0 = no!

[X] got high
[X] been called sexy
[0] stole money
[X] slept beside a boy
[0] had sex
[0] been in a relationship for more than 8 months
[0] taken a topless picture in the mirror
[0] made out with a member of the same sex
[0] stolen a car
[X] skipped school
[0] slept with a co-worker
[0] slept with more than 15 people
[X] been called a slut bitch or hoe
[0] had a one night stand
[X] seen a dead person
[0] shoplifted
[0] been fired
[X] gotten the chicken pox
[X] been in a fist fight
[X] snuck out of your parent’s house
[X] had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[0] been arrested
[0] gone on a blind date
[X] had a crush on a teacher
[0] been to U.S.A
[0] been to Mexico
[X] thrown up in a bar
[0] purposely set a part of yourself on fire
[0] been snowboarding
[0] went to a concert
[0] gone to a therapist
[0] taken sleeping pills
[X] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
[X] been obsessed with post-it notes
[X] squished barefoot through the mud
[X] been lost
[0] hitch hiked
[0] been to the opposite side of the country
[0] swam in the ocean
[X] felt like dying
[X] cried yourself to sleep
[0] hacked into someones msn
[X] played cops and robbers
[X] recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
[0] paid for a meal with only coins
[X] done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do
[X] made prank phone calls
[X] laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[0] caught a snowflake on your tongue
[X] danced in the rain
[X] done something to see how people react
[0] written a letter to Santa Claus
[0] been kissed under a mistletoe
[0] watched the sun rise with someone you care about
[X] blown bubbles
[X] made a bonfire on the beach
[X] been to a party
[X] gone roller skating
[X] had a wish come true
[0] humped a monkey
[0] worn pearls
[0] jumped off a bridge
[0] screamed “penis” in public
[X] ate dog/cat food
[0] told a complete stranger you love them
[0] kissed a mirror
[X] sang in the shower
[X] had a dream that you married someone
[0] glued your hand to something
[0] got your tongue stuck to a flag pole in winter
[0] kissed a frog
[0] worn the opposite sexes clothes
[0] been a cheerleader
[X] sat on a roof top
[X] screamed at the top of your lungs
[X] done a one-handed cartwheel
[0] talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
[X] stayed up all night
[0] picked and ate an apple
[X] climbed a tree
[0] had a tree house
[X] been scared to watch scary movies alone
[X] believed in ghosts
[0] have more then 30 pairs of shoes
[0] worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
[0] gone streaking
[X] played knock-knock-ginger
[X] been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
[0] been told you’re hot by a complete stranger
[0] broken a bone
[0] caught a fish then ate it (after it was cooked)
[0] caught a butterfly
[X] laughed so hard you cried
[X] cried so hard you laughed
[0] flashed someone
[0] had someone moon/flash you
[X] cheated on a test
[0] had a Britney Spears CD
[X] forgotten someone’s name
[X] slept naked
[X] kicked a guy where it hurts
[X] gotten lost in your city
[0] gone out in public in your pajamas
[0] pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[0] cheated on someone
[0] have a boyfriend right now

yahaan ke hum sikander..

the incorrect publicity, the sine wave, the adorable pebble, the return of the king, the good end – beginning of it all, the hoping ant, the fear of something, the obscure tribulation, the day dreamer, the late realization, the confused dissembler, the selfish humans, the city of gold, the deep desire, the closed book, the concerned siblings, the excessive emotions, the lovable rogue, the consecutive loss, the white font group, the hardcore analysis, the anticipated squander, the optimistic investment, the new venture, the truth seeker, the curious need, the reprehensible comprehension, the return to innocence, the lonely wanderer, the thirsty ideas, the logic behind, the fortune teller, the unexpected words, the energy barrier, the accomplished dream, the optimistic pessimist, the marvelous creativity, the winning amateurs, the clean connect, the jealous lover, the stupid misunderstandings, the smiling perfectionist, the avid helper, the sincere past, the fanatic group, the blurred destiny, the speaking eyes, the hard worker, the fixed paragraph, the unconventional wisdom, the logical superstitions, the prime numbers, the serious urge, the sincere request.

yahaan ke hum sikander…

47

Since past few days, there is something abnormal going on around with me. Well since past 2 – 3 weeks I am seeing 47 everywhere. Initially I thought it was just some random thing happening but now its just too much. Well, initially whenever I looked at the time it was either 12:47, 2:47, 3:47, 6:47….whatever..but only 47! I thought it was just my mind which always wanted to see the time at the 47th minute of the hour. But it wasn’t only the time…the number and variety of incidents increased. I happened to go to Juhu for some TF job treat and on the way I saw two cars back to back with numbers 4575 and 4676. Now it might sound a bit too much but yes …its 47 everywhere.. :0 :(

Then one day I told these incidents to Ramdas and on listening he said he was AIR 47…huh..My room number 247. I was at home and went down for a bit to buy some stuff and a BEST bus passes no 247. I posted something on facebook and it said posted at 6:47pm and many more such incidents within the last two weeks. I called up a friend and the call lasted for 1:47. Some one opens up some convocation pdf on my compu and it says 47th convocation(will post more of these – not in a mood right now).

z=26 , u=21 –> z + u =47
I randomly see out of the auto after waking up randomly because of the bad roads and there i see a number plate and it read 47**
Today(23rd May, 2009) while chatting with a school friend was reminded of the fact that my 10th standard roll number was 47.
My jee rank = 3125 –> 3+1=4 and 2+5=7 Fucking 47 again!

It feels as if there is some force trying to tell me something, asking me to solve this puzzle this mystery and I do not know what it will lead to but only clue I have is the number 47! But what could 47 possibly denote if it is to speak about something. 47 days remaining in my life? or will i die at 47 years of age! Something 47 days hence or some date’s numbers add up to something and that will be the end of this world and like I can do something about it? I mean for God’s sake initially i was finding it fascinating but now enough of it lately…phew!! SOS!

My 2008 top 13 list :)

Here is the list of 13 official and mentionable important things that happened to me or witnessed by me in the year 2008 that made a difference!

1. Techfest 2008, successfully organized (web and gaming zone, the experience was just amazing..will always cherish the TF memories)
2. Intern @ Chaupaati – Good exposure, fundae and awesome people – Zishaan, Gera, Kashyap, Rane, etc.
3. Trip to Goa (8-12th December) – 1st official bike accident (my parents do not know about it, so if u happen to meet them STFU :P) but was a good trip! Also cheers to Tanna.
4. Hit my lowest spi ever in 7th sem!
5. The cute girl in pink top(in Mood indigo) and Ensiferrum(Finnish Death Metal Band live @ MI)
6. Came across perl! (during my intern)
7. Working @ TRI – good level of work, learning and responsibility!!
8. Discovered ‘gym’ in late July – thanks to Mouli
9. Started Webvulture blog to share my daily technical encounters
10. MSc Chemistry Seminar on beating the diffraction limit of light :P Actually liked the entire field of research and how great the technique NSOM is// and also the Eco project
11. Ankit Goyal got placed :O (Also Extremely happy for Gudi, Ramdas and Akhil – great jobs and all other placed junta)
12. One night at “The Orchid” playing poker and amazing food
13. Witnessed the greatest of economic recession, thanks to USA :)

Seriously people, go make your own 2008, 2009 lists. Helps you know yourself!

Contact me if you would want to know more about any of these especially 4,6 and 10 :P Why would you!!